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The
Origins:
One day back in (before he started working in Debenhams) whilst
out on the Loughor estuary playing with cockles, peasant boy
of Llanmorlais Ryall Jones was visited by the god of pants,
Skidmark who made him shit his pants and change his life forever.
Yes it is apparently true, 17 year old Ryall was out playing
touch, hop scotch, snap and other card games with the cockles
when suddenly he heard a whooshing noise coming from the water
to his right. Ryall, thinking that it may be a pigeon drowing
rushed over and discovered that he was right and that it was
a pigeon drowning. This confused Ryall because he had never
been right about anything before and he stood there puzzled
whilst the pigeon carried on drowing.
The minutes went by and the pigeon continued to sink deeper
and deeper but ryall was so puzzled he remained rooted and pissed
himself by mistake. The self shower confused him even more as
he didn't realise he needed to go to the toilet. So now Ryall
was really confused when all of a sudden there was another noice
this time to his left. Thinking that a huge fish had lept from
the water and stolen his trump cards to later pawn in, Ryall
raced to the scene to discover he was wrong and that in the
water on one of those cheap dinghy things you see at the beach
was a nude - excpet for a pair of glitter, cockle printed pants
- Teabag..
Ryall first absolutely shit himself and then thanked him for
proving his instincts were wrong and commented on the grits
Teabag was sporting and asked where he could get a pair. Teabag
replied "Ah...despite failing your bike test you have very
good vision and you shall be rewarded." Ryall, flattered
by Teabag's words, asked "how will i be rewarded? Will
you give me those grits you are sporting?" Teabag's reply
was immediate and to the point, "Of course I will you flying
twat but with them comes a great responsibility which will change
your life forever and if you choose to accept them from me there
is no going back. You may know me as 'Teabag' or 'that scruffy
fucking tramp 'but this is just a front, I am in fact Skidmark,
the god of pants and if you take these pants from me today you
too will have a new title
There are
2 main groups of Skidmarkerists
1. Bumm Boi Skidmarkerists make up 87.334566655421254 percent
of the worlds skidmarkersits
2. The other 12 point fuck knows what percent are Cooeey Caw
Caw Ra Ra Ra OOO Awaflawabadoing skidmarkerists
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The
2 pillars of Skidmarkism:
Believers must work in the pants/underwear industry on a part
time basis.
Skidmarkismerists
must be wary of pigeons and not slip on them whilst inebriated.
Skidmarkismerists
must make a pilgrimage to the mecca of pants in llanmorlais
(pic of a pair of pants on a house)
Holy days
Ryalls birthday ??? and the day he slipped on a dead pigeon.
skidmarkerists must stone pigeons on this day.
Skidmarkism today
brief bit about ryall working part time in debenhams but aiming
to work for a company with a larger range of grits and for less
hours.
A
Profile on the Prophet and Founder of Skidmarkerism, The Outlaw
Ryall Jones
Name - Ryall Alexander Part Time Debenhams Pantslord Jones
Age - 32 inches
Sex - Maleish
Favourite Song - Gas Picnic by Oasis (at least that's what he
thinks its called)
Religion - Skidmarkerism
Favourite Actor - Gerard Dupoir (nu such actor but according
to pantsboy it is his favourite actor)
Favourite Magazines - Big Ones
Favourite Food - Cockles and Laverbread of course - what else!!!
Ambition - To live with his parents until he is 47, to buy inordinate
amounts of useless expensive crap that he will vow to only use
once and then forget about/to never stop working part time in
the Debenhams pants dept/to never be able to afford a decent
car or holiday due to the previous 2
Idols - Leonard Nimoy and Mr Logic from Viz
Hobbies - Collecting pants/philosophising and lecturing phd
graduates/Rocket Science and Brain Surgery/Riding bikes to a
standard akin to the level that a mongoose can operate a windmill/
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