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(Not
the) Munich Oktoberfest 2002 Trip
Well
the plan was for me, the General and Troystoney to go to Munich
and the take in the infamous Oktoberfest..well it didn't quite
go to plan but was an eventful and emotional trip all the same...and
when the trousers ran out, fucking cold too!
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Sugar
factory, Norfolk - is all that smoke strictly necessary?
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Great
Barton DOESN'T need a fuckin byepass as we didn't see another
car for miles. Nevermind Arfon, tell the world, Great Barton DOESN'T
need a fucking byepass!!
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Salzburg
- nice fortress....
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and
nice 'The Sound of Music Bull '
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...and
- best of all - nice monks beer
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Deprived
of porn, Slipon cuts off his sword and eats it to save money
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Troy
takes over Slipon's public urinal duties...
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...and
proceeds to blow up the fortress
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All
Austrians look like Slipon #1
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Failed
Austrian sumo wrestlers usually end up as glass collectors in
beer tents
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Slipon
1/20th of the way up the hill to the fortress
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Slipon
3/20ths of the way up the hill to the fortress - absolutely fucked!
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Slipon's
patch
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The
arms of some cardinal which rather superbly featured a turnip
in the design
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>>
After reaching the summit of the fortress...
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we
watched this man balance in superhuman positions before heading
into the museum...
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...and
amusing ourselfs looking at the facial hair involved on the sculptures....
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...the
paintings...
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....and
the models.
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This
guy - judging by the medals - is obviously the greatest Austrian
jibber
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Austria's
greatest jibber & Patagonian Spaz#1
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Austria's
greatest jibber & Patagonian Spaz#2
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The
museumerists objected to us takign the piss out of the soldiers
and these skinny fuckers launched an attack....
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and
this bastard implanted himself in my mind and haunted me big time....
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and
the Third Reich had a pop aswell....
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and
the Knight who says "patch" attacked Strapon from the
mist....
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The
two best sites of Salzberg, the beer tent and the toilet building
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Upon
entering the tent we find it to be full of celebs. John Cleese
and Ronnie Corbet in the band.....
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....and
Sven Goran Drawwithmacedoniason....
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...and
the empire from return of the Jedi
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Mesh
above the urinal not needed in the UK as Armitage Shanks toilets
are made of ivory and don't crack under pube strain.
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The
p ipe smoking, plastic poncho wearing conductor was good
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But
not as good as Rudolph Pisser who not only conducted the band
and signed my book...
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...but
also searched through the bins outside
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Slipon
meets the Knitterfelder Blas band but doesn't join in with the
finger licking
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The
band try to escape from us by climbing over the tables...
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...so
we snare pinochio instead
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Hostel
Paridiseo, Salzburg at 4pm
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The
obligatory note on the door
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the
obligatory response to a banging hangover
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An
American from the South who appreciated our version of 'Rosamunde'
and some bird with a fair set
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Not
all the Austrians hated the Welsh
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Slipon
at 4.50am shortly before announcing to the 3 other unknown people
in our room that he was going to kill them in their sleep
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Trousers
destroyed #1
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'Do
Not Feed The Pigeons'......
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because
they attack each other....
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attack
Troy and Slipon.....
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and
then turn into peacocks
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Slipon
does nothing to improve the Innsbruck people's opinions on the
welsh by playing acoustic Cradle of Filth songs very badly
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Despite
being surrounded by sport things, Slipon decided to stay in in
Innsbruck
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All
Austrians look like Slipon #2
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Everybody
on this table hated the Welsh including me
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All
Austrian wooden things look like Slipon #1
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'Cunt
& Co' (Middle sign) - apparently not our first night hosts
in Innsbruck
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Trousers
destroyed #2
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"Yes
I am smiling but please get the fuck out of my apartment you Welsh
cunts"
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The
noisiest tree in europe and best thing about Innsbruck
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Welcome
to Berchesgarden, where the statues of religous folk smoke and...
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people
have giant wood carvings of nazi salutes in their gardens
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Above
the first clouds but still only a third of the way to the Eagle's
Nest
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Slipon's
patch nearly 2000metres up
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7
lights which look similar to slipon's patch
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The
Eagle's Nest
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Soon
became Arfon's Nest
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2000metre
above sea level and snowy as fuck - the ideal place to take a
dog for a walk
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The
journey down was as much fun as the journey up
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Captain
Wolfgang Birdseye
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Stephen
Helmut Hawkings
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All
Austrians look like Slipon #3 -
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except
Vincent turned out to be Irish and a decent bloke despite taking
us to the mad breadless bruschetta bar pictured below
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breadless
bruschetta bar #1
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breadless
bruschetta bar #2 close up of the 1 honred skull of Salzberg
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What
exquisit gardens, nice use of cement
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Nice squirrel
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It
was between the squirrels and this zeppelin for the title of 'best
thing about Vienna'
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A
crap fountain with a distinct lack of humping turtles and spear
chucking fishmen
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It
was looking ominous for the humping turtles when we left this
fountain
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The
squirrels were into it....
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....but
not with Troy...
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...because
of his resemblence to infamous squirrel eater Wolfgang Mozart
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Another
great Austrian company
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A
man scrubbing outside a church
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The
lights in our hostel were put up by a pissed Stevie Wonder
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My
bed, my stain
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The
toilets on Austrian trains flush directly onto the track below.
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Slipon,
failing to purchase any porn in Austria or Germany, makes up for
it by buying 'Mensworld' and a box of cleanex as soon as we got
off the plane at Stanstead
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