THE WHITEWALLS SMUTTO'S........
The Smith Family (AKA the Evening Post Mafia) have retained their grip on the Post flogging monopoly in the centre of Swansea for many a long year. All the best pitches in the City centre are vigourously guarded by this group with extreme predjudice.
Sensationally though some of the activities of this clan can now be revealed as dangerous, even life threatening. READ ON!
While seated at their kiosks selling the newspaper the Smuttos often emit deafening strangulated shouts supposedly with the aim of advertising their wares. The incidence of heart failure amongst old age pensioners coming out of Dixons in the afternoon has, until recently, baffled medical experts.....
BUT NOW THE TRUTH CAN BE TOLD!
Up until a few days ago, lingustic experts and anthropologists were unable to decipher the various shouts of....
"ANNNNAAYY HOOOOORRRTS" , "FEEEENNNNIII PRRRROOOAAAG" and "GOOORRRAAG GNNNNNOOOORRR" etc.
The eminent Japanese language professor, Dr Hotto Kulli, undertook a study and has postulated the remarkable theory that these shouts are not only audible in the normal human hearing range but also work on a much deeper subliminal primeval level. Prof Kulli has now proved that the noises the Smuttos make are more akin to warnings ancient hunter-gatherers might have made to each other on the approach of a nasty predator or rival pack of Neanderthals.
You can hear samples of some of the Smuttos shouts here.....